Without You Here
by alwaysbringback-up
Summary: Alex and Olivia are looking forwards to the rest of their life together. But sometimes life throws you a devastating curveball and you're left wondering how on earth you're going to cope. Alex/Olivia pairing. Kleenex warning! Pull out those tissues!
1. Without You Here

**Title: Without You Here**

**Fandom:** **_L&O: SVU_**

**_Pairing: Alex/Olivia_**

**_Rating: T for teen. Rated mainly for language._**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the SVU universe. Any writing is done purely for recreational purposes. No ill harm is intended._**

_**A/N: This is the first part of a two part story that I've been wanting to write for a long time. It's Alex/Olivia. I figured that people can always use more of what in my opinion is one of the best pairings on SVU. I'm going to warn you though. This story is extremely sad. So I will tell you now that you'll need some kleenex. Chances are you're going to need at least a few. And hey, if you need a good cry, this should be it. There is some fluff before hand, so it's not all tragic. Please read and let me know what you think. Like I said, this is part one of two. I plan on having a chapter that takes place roughly 15 years from the end of this one. If you read, you'll know why. Anyhow, without further ado. Here's what I consider one of my finer works.**_

* * *

Olivia squinted as she climbed of the backseat of the conspicuous black SUV deep in the bowels of one of the cities public parking garage. The dim lights flickered, casting shadows into the darkness around them. Olivia squeezed her hands into tight fists as she tried to work out the jitters in her system. Elliot quickly slid out of the back seat behind her, slamming the door shut. His jaw clenched for a moment in displeasure.

"Well that was worth a whole lot of nothing," Elliot said bitterly as they started to walk, "All we did was mention Calahan's name and he started screaming for us to be removed."

Olivia flinched at the offending high-pitched noise of tires squealing on slick pavement. She turned just in time to see the SUV speed off into the night, accompanied by two other vehicles. Their faceless witness was probably being briefed about his new identity at that very moment as they prepared to make him disappear all over again. Olivia was just as annoyed that they had gone through with the entire cloak and dagger routine only to come up with something they could have been told over the phone. The fact is, they were lucky they even got the chance to meet with the witness face to face, even if it was in the back of an SUV at three in the morning. Somehow, Alex had managed to pull some strings with one of the WPP officers at the bureau. They were hoping their 'unidentified' witness, a former member of the Italian mafia, would have been able to close their serial rape case for them. Unfortunately, one mention of the name and their witness freaked. Of course, it just so happened that the man they were inquiring after was the very same man he was trying to hide from. Olivia had never seen someone freak out like that, especially someone who worked in the mob, and whose entire life was spent carrying out hits on their competition. The truth was, that the man was absolutely petrified that somehow the detectives would lead the man he was most afraid of right to him.

"Well," Olivia muttered, coming to a stop a few meters away from where their car was park unceremoniously. "At least we can say we tried. We did what we could. Although, I expect Alex isn't going to be too happy we didn't get anything useful." Almost as if the blonde had been reading her mind, a car pulled up next to them in the parking garage, Alex climbed out of the front seat, accompanied by a blue suit with an earpiece.

"You guys get anything?" she asked anxiously. Olivia found herself trying not to groan as a result of her own feelings of disappointment and failure when expectant sparkling blue eyes met her own. Alex's expression remained impassive as always, but Olivia knew she could always gauge the blonde's feelings just by looking into her eyes.

"Afraid not," Olivia said with a sigh. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out the recorder she brought with her. Pressing her thumb down on the button with the green arrow the cassette jumped to life. Alex stood at a tension, her attaché clutched tightly in her hands. She held the briefcase in front of her. Olivia's eyes raked over Alex's flawless body, drinking in every detail hungrily. It had been a long few days and she'd hardly been able to see her lover, let alone talk to her. Olivia felt her heart melt a little as a warm reassuring smile graced its way onto Alex's lips as a way to show Olivia that she understood and wasn't the least bit upset about the failure.

"Mr. Chekov," Olivia's voice echoed throughout the empty, silent garage as the tape started to play back, "I'm Detective Benson and this is Elliot Stabler. We're with the NYPD and we need to ask you a few questions." Alex's lips pursed tightly as she devoted her full attention to the tape.

"Is this why they dragged me here?" a distorted voice sprang to life all too quickly, "So that I could talk to some stupid cops about some murder case?"

"It's a rape case actually," Elliot corrected. "We work with special victims."

"And we could really use your help," Olivia said finally, picking up right where Elliot left off. "We're looking for a man that we think is responsible for our rape/homicide. His trademark involves carving distinctive religious relics into his victims after he strangles them. He's umm…" They could hear a momentary pause and a shuffle as Olivia checked something in her notes, "known as the Venetian." They all jumped together as the man started screaming. Olivia could remember feeling shocked, at the man's reaction to the last few words. She jumped back a little as the man pushed himself back into the seat, putting as much distance between them as he could. His hysterical screams echoed around them as the tape continued to play, causing a shiver to shoot up Olivia's spine.

"What is it?" Olivia's voice poured out of the speakers. Through deciphering the tone, Alex could tell that Olivia was trying to undo whatever it was she did to set him off. "What did I say?"

"Are you doing this on purpose?" the man yelled. "You trying to get a rise out of me?"

"No. I…" Olivia's confused voice stuttered, "I don't understand."

"I'm the Venetian," the man shouted, "That was my signature! I killed that way. Don't you see? He's trying to send me a message. He's going to kill me!" Olivia took a deep breath, quickly trying to salvage the interview.

"Who is trying to kill you, Chekov?" Olivia asked all too quickly as he continued to yell at them to leave. "You need to tell us. Is it Calahan?" Chekov started pounding on the back windows. Olivia and Elliot could only gasp, astounded by his behavior. "I'm done. I want out! Get out! Get them out of here." With a sigh, Olivia's thumb, slid over the stop button, and with a click, the sound stopped.

"So that's it," Alex said, her voice tinged with disappointment.

"I'm sorry, Alex," Olivia said honestly, running a hand through her hair, looking distressed. "I really messed up. I…." Alex stepped forwards, dropping her briefcase onto the concrete floor so that she could stop Olivia's own guilt trip. Quickly, Alex was placing a finger on Olivia's lips, effectively stopping Olivia before she could degrade herself anymore.

"Stop it, Liv," Alex said finally, peering into swirling chocolate brown eyes, "You know it's not your fault. How were you supposed to know he would freak out like that?" She took a deep breath. "The fact of the matter is, we haven't been told anything. The federal bureau has been trying to keep it all under wraps for a reason. I'd be surprised if they hadn't known the motive for Dr. Hayek's rape, torture, and murder all along."

"Well, they could have definitely saved us some time," Elliot nodded, "If they would have just told us in the beginning."

"You know that wasn't an option," the man in the blue suit spoke up finally. Olivia was trying to remember the man's name. It was something common like Rodgers or Smith or something. Not that she really cared.

"I still can't believe that Elena went through all of that just because they were trying to draw out a witness. I mean…geez. That crime scene was gruesome as can be. She shouldn't have had to go through that." That was something everyone could agree with. Alex had seen the crime photos, and Elliot and Olivia had witnessed it first hand. As SVU detectives, they were used to seeing their fair share of carnage and death, but even so, this particular crime scene had been extremely hard to stomach.

"I have a bad feeling about this. We shouldn't have pushed for the interview," Olivia said, starting to pace back and forth. "We might as well have led them right to him."

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Elliot asserted, "We drove around the city for nearly two hours just to make sure we weren't followed." Olivia closed her eyes for a long moment, willing the bad feeling in her stomach to go away. And yet, she couldn't get it to vanish. Alex stifled a yawn, checking her watch.

"Well," the blonde breathed, "It's getting late. And since there's nothing else we can do, I'd say we should just call it a night."

"I agree," Elliot chimed in all too quickly, "It's nearly four. Kathy's no doubt worried about be. And frankly, I'm exhausted." Olivia nodded, silently agreeing. She wanted nothing more than to curl up under the covers of her bed, with Alex in her arms.

They had been seeing eachother for nearly four years and had exchanged rings just last year. To this day, it was still a mystery to her how she'd gotten so lucky. After the tragedy of losing Calvin, Alex, along with Elliot's help of course, had been the one to pick up the pieces. They started stealing time with one another in between Alex's rather lengthily trips to aid woman in Africa. Even though they tried to keep it casual at first, as they were both afraid of overly investing themselves and getting hurt, quickly they realized how perfectly they accentuated one another. They brought out the best in one another. They're both so strong, and independent woman, and yet? They never felt whole until they truly found one another. They'd been deeply committed and in love ever since. Sure, they had their battles just like everyone else, but were smart enough to keep work out of their personal life for the most part.

It was amazing how deeply Olivia loved Alex. Even now, after all these years, Alex could make Olivia's stomach churn by just walking into the room. And the sex? Well, let's just say that they had no problem acting out their love over the course of their relationship.

"Okay," Alex smiled. "Then that's that."

"You need a ride?" Olivia asked hopefully. She didn't want to have to part with the blonde again. She needed time with her wife and didn't think she could handle another few days without seeing her.

"Actually," Alex's annoying friend from the agency interrupted "We'll have to meet you back at the precinct. Alex has to fill out some paperwork regarding tonight's interview. It's standard procedure."

"Oh," Olivia's voice betrayed her disappointment slightly. She tried not to show too much emotion as she walked over to Alex. "Okay. Well, I guess I'll see you at home then. Your car is at your office, isn't it?"

"Yep," Alex nodded,

"You sure you don't want me to wait for you?" Olivia asked, "I can nap in the crib until you get there."

"No, it's okay," Alex shook her head, not wanting to cause Olivia the trouble, "You head home and I'll see you when I get there. I have no way of knowing how long this will take." Olivia nodded and then reached for Alex's hand, giving it a squeeze. Alex, not wanting to leave the brunette detective either, took a step forwards. With a flourish, Alex's hand darted up to the lapels of Olivia's leather jacket, pulling Olivia towards her with surprising force. Lips crashed together in a manner that would make anyone blush. The kiss was hungry, a promise of what was to come for the detective when she got home. Olivia moaned into the kiss as Alex's hand found its way up into the detective's short hair, the soft strands, tangling in her fingers. Elliot looked away uneasily, not wanting to intrude on something so deeply personal. He knew how much his partner loved Alex. And because the ADA made her so happy, Elliot cared deeply for her as well.

Olivia's heart pounded in her chest as she hands found their way to Alex's stomach. No one else knew, but they had gone to a doctor who specialized in invitro fertilization in hopes of starting a real family a few months before. During the time Alex took off, a month before, they had several embryo's implanted and were waiting to find out if any of them took. It was hard for Olivia not to think about the fact that in just a little while, Alex could be growing their own child, a child of her own that Olivia would love unconditionally. Alex moaned again, feeling Olivia's hands pressing into her stomach, almost as if she already knew the truth. After, Olivia's lungs ran out of precious oxygen, she was forced to pull away, but not before her tongue, brought Alex to the peak of arousal. Slowly, the brunette pulled away, stealing one last chaste kiss from her lover.

"I'll see you at home?" Olivia whispered softly, stealing one last kiss from her lover.

"Definitely," Alex replied happily, her eyes twinkling. "Liv, we've got to figure something out. I've hardly seen you this week and it's killing me."

"I know," Olivia choked out, brushing Alex's face. "It's alright, baby. We'll work something out. I promise." Olviia cleared her throat, looking deep into Alex's eyes as sher nervously tried to think of how to say what it was she wanted to ask her lover. "I…I've been thinking," Olivia swallowed, hardly daring to breath, "Maybe we could take some time off. We didn't use all of it last time, and I know I have some days saved up. Cragen has practically been begging me to take some time, so we could do it…if you wanted."

"Oh, Liv," Alex's eyes beamed with happiness as she threw her arms around the older woman, hugging her tightly. "Of course. I'd love to. Maybe we can go to Europe this time."

"It's a deal," Olivia said, kissing Alex's cheek. "Okay. I think we've tortured the boys enough. I'll see you at home." Alex smiled, picking up her briefcase as she climbed into the front seat. She turned her head as they drove away, watching as Olivia and Elliot clambered into their unmarked car. The smile couldn't be wiped from her face. She couldn't wait to tell Olivia the good news. She'd gotten the call from the doctor today, confirming that she was pregnant. Her thoughts started to race around her mind as she imagined holding their baby, Olivia stroking her hair and looking at them with a beaming smile and a look of love in her eyes. She wondered how she'd ever gotten so lucky. Inclining her head to look out the window she began to drift in and out of the present. There were so many things she couldn't wait for.

* * *

Meanwhile, Elliot and Olivia were minutes behind. Olivia looked up as Elliot reached over and squeezed her hand.

"That was some display back there," Elliot smiled, his green eyes twinkling merrily.

"Like you didn't enjoy it," Olivia teased back, blushing slightly. Elliot chuckled, checking his speed.

"So how is life going for Mrs. Olivia Benson-Cabot?" Elliot asked finally. They'd been working so much lately that they hadn't really had much time to make small talk and catch up about their personal lives.

"Wonderful," Olivia replied honestly, "Although it would be nice to get to spend a little more time together. Gosh, now I know how Kathy's been feeling all these years."

"Yeah," Elliot agreed, "I never said it was easy. I'm sure you guys will be fine."

"More than fine," Olivia smiled. "I've actually been meaning to tell you something…"

"Oh?" Elliot took his eyes off the road for a moment, an expectant look on his face.

"Not that it's a big deal or anything," Olivia announced, trying to downplay how excited she was, "But we're trying for a baby. Alex and I went to a specialist a few months ago, and went through the first round of invitro last month. We're waiting to find out if it worked."

"Wow," Elliot was practically gushing with happiness. "That's great, Liv. Really! I'm so happy for you!"

"I'm just hoping it worked," Olivia found herself replying, "Invitro costs a miniature fortune."

"No kidding," Elliot chuckled. "So are you going to be the human incubator, or is Alex?" Olivia found herself laughing at Elliot's not so glamorous way of questioning.

"Alex," Olivia replied, "Her uterus is a lot healthier than mine. After all, she's still in her prime and I'm…well…just getting old." Olivia laughed, at her own explanation. "Of course, giving birth is something I've always wanted to do, but it won't matter just as long as the baby is happy and she's ours." Olivia jumped, as a black car, struck their back bumper, followed by another appearing on their left.

"Shit," Elliot pushed his foot down on the gas, accelerating quickly. "We've got company, Liv." Olivia's head whipped around, seeing another car that was trying to cut them off. The bad feeling in Olivia's stomach multiplied threefold. This really couldn't be good. Olivia pulled her service weapon from her belt, ducking down as one of the back windows of one of the cars opened and gunfire started. Elliot swore under his breath, trying to drive and avoid hitting the other cars. Olivia fired back a couple of shots, reaching down for her radio with her left hand. Quickly she radioed for back up, knowing that they were going to need it.

"They found us," Olivia said finally, "It's got to be Calahan's cronies. It's just gotta be."

"Then we're in a bad place," Elliot spoke knowingly. "After seeing what they did to Hayek, I can only assume that we're in for the same."

"We're going to have to try and lose them," Olivia said as Elliot, jerked the wheel, skidding through an intersection and onto another street. A third vehicle tried to cut them off, and Olivia threw her hand forwards to keep her from hitting the dash as Elliot slammed on the breaks.

Alex and the mindless FBI agent were a few minutes away when Olivia's voice cracked over the radio.

"Portable to central," Olivia's voice crackled over the radio, "This is officer Olivia Benson requesting back up. Over."

"This is central. What's your position?" Alex's heart skipped a beat as Olivia rattled off a pair of streets names and then proceeded to announce that three unmarked vehicles were pursuing them in a elaborate chase. She swallowed over the lump in her throat as she heard gunfire. Elliot yelled something that broke up over the radio and Alex jumped. Throwing out her hand.

"We have to go back!" Alex yelled. "They're in trouble."

"We can't help them," Agent Rodgers replied. "I've got nothing but a service weapon. Let the NYPD handle it."

"I don't think you're hearing me correctly," Alex said harshly, her stubbornness coming through. "We need to go back! Now!" Alex held her breath as Rodgers looked over towards her, reading the challenge in her eyes. Alex relaxed a little as the agent called into his radio and pulled a U-turn.

* * *

The muscles in Olivia's back tightened as one of the cars, nearly pushed them off of the road. Elliot made another tight turn and within seconds they were, manipulated into a dead end. Elliot slammed on the breaks, hitting his hands on the wheel.

"Fuck!" Elliot hissed, whirling around in his seat. He shifted into reverse striking one of the cars behind them as he struggled to bulldoze his way out of there. "We're screwed."

Olivia leveled her gun at one of the men, climbing out of the car behind them. With a pull of the trigger he went down. Then all hell broke loose. She counted the men pouring out of the cars behind them. There were eight. Great so they were outnumbered 4 to 1. Elliot had been right. They were screwed, and there was no way out, except to make a stand. Olivia felt slight relief as she heard sirens in the distance, and they were getting closer. They needed to buy time, without getting slaughtered in the process.

"We're going to have to make a run for it," Elliot's voice boomed as he took down another shooter. "See that alley? We've got to make a run for it."

"We'll never make it," Olivia replied, looking at the alley in question. It was a good 20 yards from them, and yet they had no choice. All of the windows had been shot out of their as glass rained down and littered the seats and the floor. Loud pops sounded in the air like thunder.

"I'll cover you," Elliot said quickly as he downed another man clad in black. "We're going to have to time it just right. You ready?"

"Yeah," Olivia hissed, throwing open her door.

"Okay," Elliot replied, "Get ready to run in…Three…two…one…Go!" Olivia launched herself out of the car like her life depended on it sprinting for a dumpster at the edge of the alley. She'd use it for cover to buy Elliot some time. She winced as bullets rained behind her. She couldn't bring herself to look and merely kept her eyes on the prize. Her lungs squeezed painfully as she reached it, her chest bobbing up and down as she replaced the air. Quickly, she set her gun on one of the hostiles, with a loud pop, he dropped to the pavement like a brick, his gun spewing rounds into the air as he did so. Finally, it stopped. Men were screaming, angry at the loss of their fallen comrades. Olivia centered her aim on another hostile and dropped him. Math told her that three dead left them five to go. Those were better odds, and yet it meant nothing, if she couldn't get Elliot away from the pack.

Olivia's eyes darted around as adrenaline pumped through her veins. Elliot was clambering his way around the front of the car on his knees as bullets struck the metal causing pieces to break off and fly into the air. Olivia squeezed her trigger hitting one of the remaining five in the leg. He dropped, but she hadn't disabled him enough and he was still shooting off rounds. Olivia swore, checking her clip. She had two bullets left, and another eight in the other clip on her belt. Taking a deep breath she pushed the clip back in, aiming for another hostile working his way across the opposite side of the street. He fell, buying a little more time. In an instant, she and Elliot locked eyes. He was ready to go for it, and Olivia could only stare back, silently petrified.

Olivia's heart jolted as one of the men appeared out of nowhere just as Elliot sprung his way out from his cover and into open air. Olivia jumped into the open, firing just in time to drop him before he hit Elliot. Unfortunately, that's where their luck ended. She was out of bullets with two hostiles remaining. Elliot screamed out as one of the men's aim was true and a bullet whizzed into his shoulder. Olivia's body sprang out into open air as she rushed for him. Her hand fumbled with the clip as she tried to reload, knowing that Elliot was dead if she couldn't get to him in time.

Finally, the clip slid into place, as her foot pushed off of the curb, she aimed at the man who was trying to finished him off and pulled the trigger. Air hissed out of her lung as she realized she missed. She dropped to her knees beside Elliot trying to pull his body back under the cover of their car. Elliot moaned as she tweaked his shoulder. His gun had fallen out of his hand.

"Leave me," Elliot yelled, "I'll be fine." But Olivia couldn't do that. Not to her partner of 15 years. Hell no. Olivia turned and fired, hitting the gunmen that struck Elliot just as he tried to put the nails in their coffin. He went down without more of a fight.

"Liv!" Elliot shrieked as he saw something Olivia missed. She whirled around just in time to be thrown backwards into the car, three rounds from an automatic pummeling their way deep into her chest. Olivia couldn't even scream out as air was stolen from her lungs. Her heartbeat thundered in her ears as she hit the side of the car and slid down, her legs unable to support her surprisingly heavy weight. Elliot yelled out in anger, reaching for his gun, downing the shooter. Olivia's chest heaved as she tried to replace the air so cruelly stolen from her lungs.

Panicking, Elliot started crawling for the radio he had dropped to the pavement. He had to call for more help. Finally, his hand closed around the small black receiver and he choked out something into it. They called back to say they were almost there.

Olivia's body began to shiver and shake as her body started to fight back. Elliot was trying to crawl towards her, but he'd already exhausted all of his strength and couldn't make it. his arm gave out on him and he dropped onto the pavement, gasping for air.

Olivia's eyes blinked open and closed, darkness encroaching on her peripheral vision. She clung to consciousness, trying to make sense of what was going on around her, but she couldn't. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. It was almost painfully slow. With detached interest, the sound droning on in her mind, Olivia heard more gunfire and yelling.

In several more seconds, a body, was dropping in front of her. An officer clad in a blue coat. His lips were moving but she could hardly hear him. He reached out, trying to put pressure on her wounds. Olivia screamed out at the pain, the fire that seemed to be eating it's way through her chest.

* * *

Alex was out of the car before it came fully to a stop. Several squad cars blocked off the street, as officers ran to and fro. An ambulance was speeding to a stop just inside the roadblock. One look and she knew. She started running. She ran like her life depended on it, as if dogs were nipping at her heels. She couldn't breathe, but continued to push herself forwards at an alarming speed.

"Miss! This is a crime scene! You can't go in there!" One officer screamed for her to stop but she ignored him. Her eyes fixed on the wreckage of a squad car halfway down the street.

She spotted Elliot first a mere dozen feet from the squad car, blood spilled out around him as a cop, pushed down on his chest, trying in vein to stop the bleeding. Elliot saw her, frantically trying to push himself up off of the pavement. Alex locked eyes with him and immediately her heart stopped. His eyes told her all she needed to know.

"Elliot! Where's Olivia? Where is she?" Alex's voice squeaked as it broke under the words. She wasn't going to try and pretend that everything okay because she knew it wasn't. She was better than anyone at keeping composure in awful situations, but that ended when she was in fear of losing the love of her life. She saw his eyes dart to somewhere and immediately her feet carried her in that direction. She nearly screamed as her eyes fell on Olivia.

Gone was the strong fearless detective she had seen for so many years. Olivia whimpered, as she tried to move, her body and the lack of oxygen in her lungs was the only thing keeping her from truly screaming out in pain. An officer was in front of her, blocking the full extent of her injuries from view.

"Oh my god," Alex cried as she rushed forwards, dropping down to her knees. Olivia whimpered again as the officer pushed on the detective's chest, trying to stop the blood that was gushing out. Without thinking she pushed the man's hands away from her lover. She didn't want him touching Olivia as he was only causing her more pain.

"Ah…God…It hurts…I...I couldn't..I tried…" Olivia choked out in between moans and whimpers. Her body shook uncontrollably, her hands clenched so very tightly. Her body was fighting for life, fighting for consciousness. Tears streamed down Olivia's face as her eyes blinked rapidly. She was looking right at Alex, but was acting like she couldn't see her. "P…Please…you have to…my wife she…"

"Shhh," Alex whispered, her hands framing Olivia's face. The detective whimpered again as the pain bordered on being too much. "Liv, it's me. It's Alex. I'm right here." Alex cried out in relief, as Olivia seemed to see her for the first time.

"Alex?" Olivia choked out through labored breaths. Blood poured from the three wounds that Alex knew were fatal. The love of her life didn't even stand a chance. There was nothing she could do. Her life. Her everything was going to die right there in front of her and there was nothing he could do.

"Gah," Olivia's voice shook, "It hurts. It hurts so much." Olivia wheezed as she tried to breath in enough air. "P…Please….don't leave me."

"I'm here, baby," Alex cooed in-between her own tears. She struggled not to sob, not to shake with her own sobs. "I'm not going anywhere. Just try and relax. Shhh…It's okay. It's gonna be okay." Alex's heart clenched painfully in her chest at the notion of the lie she just told. It wasn't going to be okay. Nothing was. Her world was ending. But she had to be brave. She had to be brave for her love.

"I…I love you," Olivia swallowed, choking on the words as she desperately tried to get them out. "I…I'm so sorry. I tried…. I tried…"

"I know," Alex stroked Olivia's face, before pushing her lips to Olivia's quivering lips. Olivia's bloody hands darted out to grab at Alex's shirt, clinging to the material like she knew her life depended on it. "I love you, Liv. So much." Olivia's eyes were already drifting closed. They had no more time.

"No sweetie," Alex gasped quickly, brushing Olivia's face again, causing Olivia to moan. "I need you to stay with me. Just a little longer." Olivia's eyes closed. "Liv! Liv!' She yelled more urgently, shaking Olivia slightly. Olivia's eyes snapped open again, darting around as she tried to make sense of everything again. Her mind was slowly slipping away from her. She saw the flawless crystalline blue eyes and she knew.

"Alex…1'll…always be….here," Olivia whispered, another cry breaking out of her throat. "Always…I'll keep you…safe." Alex couldn't hold back a sob any longer and it broke free with surprising force. Alex brushed her forehead against Olivia's, no longer caring about any of the blood. She couldn't even think about the lifestream of her lover all over her body, her hands. Another cry broke out of Olivia's throat, the brunette's body shaking more violently, as she coughed.

"We're going to have a baby," Alex breathed quickly. "Liv, you can't leave me. Don't go. Please. Don't go. I…I don't think I can live without you. You're my everything."

"Mother…you'll be a…beautiful…perfect…mother," Olivia couldn't string her thoughts together like she wanted. Alex cried out again.

"No…No, sweetie…" Alex rasped. "I need you. Don't you understand?" Alex's cries became more frantic as slowly she started to come apart.

"Alex," Alex jumped back a little as Olivia choked out the name, blood spilling from Olivia's mouth. Olivia tried to spit it out, only for it to be replaced by more. Alex tried to wipe it away with her sleeve, but there was no denying the truth. Olivia was choking on her own blood and they had only seconds left. "Love…"

"Shh…" Alex whispered, holding her lover in her last moments. "I know…I love you too. Always and forever…" The phrase was something they exchanged to convey the depth of their love.

Olivia gave out one last whimper, her eyes, blinking slowly. "It's okay, baby. You can let go now. Let go, Liv. You don't have to hurt any more. Just let go." Alex stared without breathing as Olivia's body slowly stopped shaking, stopped fighting for life. Within a few beats of her heart, Olivia's chest stopped heaving until it stopped moving altogether. Alex's body took over as emotions became too much. Sob after sob broke out from Alex's lips as she watched the life slip out of Olivia's eyes. It was as if she could see the brunette's soul being offered back up to the creator.

She felt arms gently pull her away as the EMS checked for signs of life. Cragen held her in a vice hug, and she sobbed onto his shoulder, knowing that things will never be the same again. She felt like she'd lost her reason for living. Just minutes ago, she'd imagined their life laid out together and how wonderful it would be. She imagined the joy of family, and now she was bracing for a life on her own. Her only comfort was in knowing Olivia would live on in all of the victims she had touched, in all of the lives she had saved. And in knowing that the brunette died saving someone she loved.

One question burned in Alex's mind. How was she going to survive without Olivia by her side? And just how was she going to raise a son or a daughter all on her own?

* * *

_**A/N: Please don't hate me for the ending. I'll try to update part two soon. Part two is a little happier. I promise!**_


	2. Hold My Heart

**Title: Without You Here**

**Fandom:** **_L&O: SVU_**

**_Pairing: Alex/Olivia_**

**_Rating: T for teen. Rated mainly for language._**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the SVU universe. Any writing is done purely for recreational purposes. No ill harm is intended._**

_**A/N: So, I've decided to do something unconventional. I realize that it's hard to read stories that are super depressing. And so, for this story I've decided to do two endings. The first, which I'm posting tonight, is what would happen if Olivia somehow pulled through. The second will explore the alternative. Happy first, then sad. Hell, if you don't want to read the other one, then hopefully this should suffice. I really hope that you like it. I honestly worked very hard on this. I'm going to be driving the next two days so I won't be able to update for a little while. I think the drive is something like 22 hours of pure fun...should be a long couple of days. But I've got to go home for Christmas don't I? Otherwise, it just wouldn't seem right. Anyways, you guys enjoy this! And if for some crazy reason I don't get a chance to post before Christmas (I'm certainly not making any promises that I'm going to), please have a Merry Christmas. Do me a favor, spend it with people you love because time is short!**_

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"I've got a pulse!" the words were screamed out into the night, one of the EMS technicians grabbed Olivia by the ankles, pulling her out from the car so that they could lay her flat. Two rushed over, trying to pack gauze tightly into the wounds in order to try and stop the blood flow. Unceremoniously, Olivia's jaw was wrenched open, blood gurgling up past tongue, teeth and lips, until it slithered in small tracks down the side of Olivia's chin and neck. "She's choking! Bullet must have punctured her lung! We need a chest tube now!" Eyes looked on in horror as scalpel pushed into skin, under the direction of a steady hand. In the blink of an eye, plastic pushed into open skin, deep red blood quickly pushing its way out. Almost simultaneously, an aspirator complete with a small plastic hose attachment started to suck the blood from Olivia's airways. Time nearly ceased to exist in the Olivia's mind, as darkness became light. A light so bright it blinded, turning swirls of color into peaceful nothingness. At the same time, Olivia saw that same vacuum of existence threatening to take away everything she'd ever seen, and every known. Her frantic heart barely managed to hold onto its staccato rhythm, spurred on by the determination of the body that was its refuge, and the mind that somehow intentionally pushed itself away from vindication in favor of the desire to hold on to life.

Light began to flicker, heartbeats fading in and out with each second that ticked by. She had a beating heart, but her lungs couldn't suck in air. The bullet that had encroached so very ruthlessly into Olivia's diaphragm left the powerful and vital muscle unable to perform its integral function. Olivia's autonomic reflex system came into effect as one of the paramedics hastily shoved a tube down the brunette's throat. Though the detective had no notion of what was happening to her as she was lost in the space between existence and nothingness, her body fought the tubing parting her vocal chords. With a squeeze of a blue bag, Olivia's chest moved again for the first time. It had been nearly two minutes since her brain had been provided with oxygen and so in her mind's eye she had been past the brink of death. No one would ever be able to say what had pulled her back, what had kept her in this life rather than the next. There are some out there who believe that when someone is taken so prematurely, they are given a choice between life and what lies beyond. Did Olivia choose life? Or did life choose her? Perhaps, the omnipotent being who determined such fate saw a reason to intervene.

Blood still flowed freely, and although, blood was already being pumped into her body in a vein attempt to replace the amount lost, she was severely lacking the precious plasma and blood cells. Olive skin that used to be so stunningly beautiful was now void of color. The pale pallor of Olivia's body only showed a testament as to what she was going through. No words could accurately describe the strain on Olivia's body. It was like a mortal holding up the entire sky.

Still, she fought. Her mind grabbed onto the only sensation that was left in her body. The pain. Of course, anyone in their right mind does their best to avoid that particular sensation. It's the one thing that seems to build on itself more and more with each passing minute. Pain has the unique ability to drive one mad, to torture. And yet, Olivia clung to it as tightly as she could, knowing it would cause her misery. She welcomed it. It was the only thing that she could make sense of. She was desperate for it because she knew that it was the only thing tying her to life. To Alex and to so much more. Carefully, Olivia held on. It was like a sick game of tug of war, where, you plant your feet and just pray to god that they hold you still in the sand. Unbearable forces are threatening to pull them right out from under you, causing you to scream out like an animal not afraid to unleash its rage.

"Turn her on her side!" Paramedics gentle hands, grabbed her right side, hands slipping behind Olivia's back. With a push forwards, Olivia was on her side. A young paramedic, squeezed at the bag, rhythmically, as the other two checked her back for exit wounds. Unfortunately, only one was a through and through. "We've got to get her to the hospital now!" Heads bobbed in agreement, placing her onto a board and then onto a stretcher. A pair of hands seized on of her own as a body jumped into the back of the ambulance with her. Doors slammed shut almost deafeningly as they sped off into the night. Tubes and wires snaked from Olivia's body as she tried to pump her with Saline, Blood, fluids, pain medicine, and so much more.

In a rush of pixilated colors things started to come back, only to be ripped away when the detective's heart gave out on her again.

"She's in asystole," a voiced thundered, "Push one of epi." In a seemingly futile effort, a syringe of liquid adrenaline was pushed into one of Olivia's veins. Without a beating heart, the liquid would not get far. Hence, the paddles, aka human jumper cables were brought into the picture. With a whine, the paramedic charged the machine, while the other squirted gel onto the metal paddles so that they could transfer the shock appropriately. Alex watched in numb horror as the paramedic brought them down on her lover's chest.

"Clear!" in a surge of energy, Olivia's body jumped into the air as if being controlled by a very morbid puppet master. Muscles throughout the whole of her body clenched simultaneously, seeking something tangible. However, things didn't take. She'd have to take another shock. "Charge to 360!"

"Clear!"

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**_(16 years later...)_**

With a gasp, Olivia shot up in bed, the scream that was meant to come out seemingly stuck in her throat. Another gasp escaped her lips as another streak of pain wreaked havoc throughout her chest. A thick sheen of perspiration coated her body, and the blankets beneath it. For a long moment, Olivia struggled to breath. She had to manually tell herself to breath in and out, most of her vital oxygen supply coming in uneven spurts of air. She was used to waking up like this now. Often, she'd feel like she'd been launched back into life with a pair of jumper cables. It was like a surge a kick of something more than her body could handle. The cause? It was her heart. She'd suffered many consequences from that night, years of physical therapy and other conditions that took her years to work through.

During the night of the shooting, Olivia's heart had been what held out under the pressure of the bullets in her chest. However, the lifesaving tactics that were used to keep her heart beating during the period of the rather long coma she was in, damaged the muscle. Olivia's heart had trouble with regulating electrical impulses that were supposed to steady the contractions of the muscle that supplied all of her other vital organs with blood. Every now and then, Olivia would have severe arrhythmias and her heart would just stop. It was why they had a defibrillator on hand. Alex, being severely anal, and a little frightened by the brunette's condition made a point to keep the machine on the bedside table.

Olivia turned her head, her eyes falling on what looked like a sleeping angel. The moonlight pouring in through the bay windows made the honey colored locks shimmer. Olivia let out a sigh of relief, relieved that she hadn't woken her lover when she had jolted awake herself. Slowly, Olivia slid out from under the arm draped across what had been her stomach and was now her legs. She held her breath as she did so, afraid too much movement would rouse Alex. Finally, Olivia made it to the edge. She flipped her legs over the edge and stood up. With a wince, another wave of pain ripped through her chest. With the trembling fingertips of her right hand, she reached up to rub at the place where the sting lingered the most. Closing her eyes, Olivia walked quickly for the door, slipping out of the master suite and into the space beyond. It was dark, but even so, Olivia's eyes could see surprisingly well as her pupils dilated to adjust to the contrast.

With steady footsteps, Olivia padded down the hall to the bathroom. With a flick of the light switch, she stepped inside. With another gasp Olivia caught her reflection in the mirror. It was hard for her sometimes. There were days that she could just stare into the mirror for hours with detached interest. It was hard to explain, but sometimes, Olivia felt like she was in some sort of ghost about to fade away into nothing. It was like a part of her was still missing from that night and she needed to get it back. Tonight was no different, as she stared into the mirror, Olivia hardly recognized herself. Her doe-like brown eyes stared pensively into the mirror, devoid of their usual warmth and sparkle. With a groan, Olivia squeezed her eyes shut, reaching down to turn on the tap with her right hand. She reached out for the sink with her left, to support herself, wincing as fingers wrapped around cool porcelain. Opening her eyes, Olivia cupped her hands under the cold water, letting it pool before she bent down to splash it onto her face. She let out a deep breath, repeating the action a second and then a third time. Finally, she felt like she had a part of herself back. She took a long moment to examine the dexterity of her left hand. It had taken her years of practice to regain use of the limb after one of the bullets damaged a nerve in the brachial plexus. Nothing about the last fifteen years had been easy. Olivia had fought for practically every moment of it.

It was more than worth the pain and the effort of going through each day. After all, she had a family. She had her reason for living.

Unfortunately, some things were still missing. After that night, Olivia had been forced to abandon the force. Just focusing on the struggles ahead she had been forced to turn her back on her past. She lost her job with the 1-6 and the feelings of worth that came with being a very successful detective with the NYPD. Initially, the change hit her hard. She missed working with her friends immensely. And the days she thought about her forced early retirement, well, those were the days that depression hit the hardest. She tried her best to avoid the regret, the feeling of loss that came with what she had to give up, but she felt like it was hard to push all of it away. Years of struggle full of feelings of self-worthlessness followed before she finally saw a therapist that helped her work out most of her problems.

Alex knew how difficult it was for her. She knew how much Olivia wanted that part of her life back, so she did her best to be supportive. After all, it was Alex who had suggested that Olivia take the exam to become a Private investigator. Olivia had gotten the license quickly thereafter, eager to go back to work. It was quite different from being a detective, but at least this way Olivia could still involve herself and her reasoning skills in a valuable manner. And another perk was that she got to make her own hours.

Olivia let out a sigh as she reached up to rifle through the cabinet in the bathroom, accidentally scattering pill bottles with an unsteady jerk of her hand. Olivia cussed under her breath as she bent down to pick up the several bottles that had clattered to the floor. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, fingers closed over the correct bottle. It was her heart medicine. After unscrewing the cap, Olivia dumped out two of the pills into her hand. With a flick of her hand, she popped them into her mouth and then stuck her mouth under the tap, sucking the water into her lips. With a swallow the pills went down. She replaced the bottle and walked out into an eerily silent kitchen to make some tea. She tapped the counter impatiently as she waited for the water to heat up. She drummed the rhythm to one of her favorite songs with slight detachment as she let her mind wander. Eyes wandered over every shadow and every crevice of the kitchen tile. Finally she looked up, her eyes locking onto the calendar stuck to the front of the refrigerator. She felt a tug of her stomach as she realized for the first time what day it was. Sixteen years now.

It was hard to believe that so much time had passed since that night. Sydney had turned fifteen just four months ago. The thought still made Olivia's head spin. The girl was as headstrong as anyone could have imagined, being raised by two woman who were often excessively stubborn. A smile slipped onto Olivia's face at the thought of her daughter, the tomboy, who spent most of her free time playing sports. It was surprising though, how someone so strong and determined could have what could only be called a soft soul. When Sydney found her battles she fought them courageously with the same level of passion as her two mothers. It was shocking really, how two opposite ends of the spectrum could work so well together. After all, compassion and love was all Olivia could ever ask for from her daughter.

With one last look of the calendar, Olivia turned away, determined to forget what day it was. After all, there was some sort of unspoken rule about the day, much like there was about the day, which was the anniversary of Alex's own brush with death. They didn't speak about the days, if they could help it. Even after all of these years emotions were still raw. The feelings of helplessness and near loss were too much for them. It was something they desperately tried to put behind them and forget. After filling her mug with tea, Olivia walked over to the balcony, sliding open the main glass doors that led onto the makeshift terrace. Olivia took a deep breath as her lung met the biting cool air outside. She took a big whiff, smelling the city in all its glory. The air had crispness to it, signaling the approaching change of season. She loved this time of year, purely for this reason, the air despite its coldness and tendency to burn in your lungs, also seemed that much more refined. With a sip of her steaming hot tea, Olivia looked down over the city. It was something she found herself doing often as she tried to make sense of her life. It was incredibly relaxing. And although she couldn't exactly see the stars, all of the lights sprinkling the horizon were enough to make her feel like she was seeing the cosmos.

"Liv?" Olivia jumped, her hand dropping from the railing as she turned around. She had been so lost in the city that she hadn't heard Alex's approach. "What are you doing out here?" Alex asked worriedly, her brow furrowed slightly.

"Nothing," Olivia murmured, "Just watching the city."

"Aren't you cold?" Alex asked, wrapping her robe around her more tightly. She made a point of rubbing her hands over her arms to create some friction and warmth.

"It's not too bad," Olivia breathed, holding the warm mug in-between her hands to warm them as she leaned back out over the railing. Alex came to a stop beside her, staring out over the city. It was relatively quiet, as most of the city was sleeping.

"Everything okay?" Alex asked finally after a long stretch of silence.

"Everything's fine," Olivia muttered tersely. "You can go back to bed. I'm sorry if I woke you."

"Liv," Alex practically whispered, causing Olivia to turn towards her. Olivia could see the expression in Alex's stunning blue eyes clear as day. She let out another sigh, wishing that Alex didn't always see right through her. "Was it your heart again?"

"No. It was nothing," Olivia lied. "I just couldn't sleep." Alex let out a sigh, obviously disappointed with the reply.

"I wish you wouldn't lie to me like that," Alex said sadly. Olivia was surprised when Alex reached out extracting the mug from between Olivia's fingertips. With a quick movement, Alex set the mug down on the table, turning back to Olivia. With a soft touch, the blonde ran her hands up Olivia's body to the brunette's strong shoulders.

"Alex," Olivia whispered, her heart beating heavily in her chest at the touch. Olivia closed her eyes as Alex's hands paused over the muscle feeling the contractions reverberate through skin and bone. Olivia willed her heart to slow down a little bit, something that was impossible when Alex's hands touched her. Slowly, painfully, Alex wrapped her hands in the fabric of Olivia's tank, pulling the detective forwards. With a soft moan, their lips connected. The kiss was hardly a brush, and then it grew in ferocity. Olivia's mouth opened as a persistent tongue traced Olivia's soft lips. With a gasp, Alex's tongue found its way inside, stroking Olivia's silken muscle before exploring the warm, wet cavern of the older woman's mouth. Reluctantly, Alex pulled away, feeling the thundering tempo of Olivia's heart.

"I love you," Olivia breathed, her eyes seemingly going on forever as Alex was given a rare glimpse into the brunette's soul. Alex nodded, swallowing over the thick lump in her throat. Olivia waited for her lover to say it back. Her jaw tightened a little in concern when the blonde offered no reciprocation. "Alex?" Olivia's dulcet voice spoke aloud. She was trying to win the blonde's attention, but failed. Alex was staring into Olivia, but not into her eyes. Olivia jumped a little as she felt delicate fingers, pushing aside fabric. Olivia held her breath as Alex ran her fingers slowly over three white depressions in the otherwise flawless Olive skin of Olivia's chest. The bullets made a triangular pattern on Olivia's skin.

"Alex," Olivia breathed again, reaching out to cover the blonde's hands with her own and stop the blonde's progress. The way Alex was touching her was driving her crazy.

"Hard to believe it's been sixteen years," Alex whispered finally, looking up into Olivia's eyes. Olivia swallowed hard, not prepared for the blonde's own revelation. For Alex to acknowledge the significance of this particular day was a first.

"Lex," Olivia begged, tears welling in her eyes, "Please…"

"Shh…" Alex lifted a finger to silence the detective. "Do you know that I still freak out every time I wake up in bed and you're not there? That I fear that I've imagined all of this."

"I can't. I can't have this conversation…" Olivia shook her head, pulling away. "I'm sorry."

"No," Alex's stern voice left no room for argument as her hand reached out as seized Olivia's left wrist, knowing that the brunette didn't have enough strength in her left arm to fight off her touches. "Don't run away, Liv, I'm acknowledging my greatest fear. You owe it to me to listen. Please."

"I'm right here," Olivia breathed honestly. "Alex, I'm not going anywhere."

"There are days when I look into your eyes," Alex said finally, "And I can't find you. It's like you're off in some far distant place that I can't reach. Sometimes, I feel selfish for wanting you so badly, for needing you and keeping you here."

"Alex," Olivia's voice nearly broke under the weight of the emotions she was feeling, "You don't have to feel selfish. You feel no differently than I did when I lost you. I'm sorry if you feel like I regret being here. The truth is, I want to be here. I need to be with you just as much as you need to be with me. I love you. You have to know how much I love you."

"I know," Alex nodded, swallowing as she tried to blink back tears. "I love you too, baby."

"Always and forever," Olivia added, brushing Alex's cheek tenderly. A smile slipped onto Alex's face, her eyes sparkling.

"Always and forever," Alex added, taking Olivia's lips in another soul searching kiss. "Come back to bed with me?" Olivia nodded, taking Alex's hand. She let out a chuckle as Alex's body convulsed in a shiver.

"You cold?" Olivia asked, closing the door behind them.

"A little," Alex admitted as she led Olivia back to bed by the hand.

"I guess I'll just have to warm you up then," Olivia breathed huskily in Alex's ear, causing another shiver to shoot down Alex's spine. This time, however, it wasn't due to coldness, but instead it was due to the tickle of the warm breath on her neck as Olivia took her from behind. Alex spun around, moaning as lips nipped at the base of her throat, licking and sucking gently. Alex suddenly felt warm heat erupt all over her body. It was amazing what Olivia could do with a single touch. Alex opened her mouth, preparing to speak, but could only hiss as teeth nipped at skin. Olivia trailed bites up the blonde's neck soothing away the sting with a warm tongue. When lips finally captured and took over, Alex felt like she was on fire. Another moan escaped Olivia's lips as soft hands parted her robe to reveal a flawless expanse of pearly white skin. "No wonder you were cold," Olivia teased, hands roaming upwards. Olivia made a sound in the back of her throat as if she was enjoying something extremely delicious. "Mmm. All this for me," Olivia whispered, taking Alex's lips in another demanding kiss. Olivia was surprised when Alex's tongue forced it's way into Olivia's mouth, stealing Olivia's breath. When the kiss broke, Olivia felt warm hands slip under her tank, lifting it from the hem. In another beat of her heart, it was over Olivia's head and was being tossed to the floor. Olivia's brow rose up on her forehead.

"You had too many clothes on," Alex breathed in explanation, before pushing Olivia backwards onto the bed. With a small 'oomphf' Alex was on top of her, kissing the brunette senseless, her hands roaming over soft, heated flesh. Olivia kissed her back with a passionate fervor, not holding back in the least.

"Alex," Olivia moaned needily as the blonde straddled her, repaying Olivia for her earlier teasing. "Please what, sweetie?" Alex asked playfully, making sure to keep her hands off the most sensitive parts of Olivia's body.

"Touch me," Olivia begged. Alex was more than happy to oblige, leaning down to take Olivia in a kiss. Heaving chests brushed together, sensitized flesh causing an unbearable heat to build between them, a molten heat that spread into limbs and that crept into every inch of their bodies. Alex was no longer cold. With a turn in control, Alex found herself flipped onto her back, Olivia climbing on top of her. Alex kissed her back, surprised at the brunette's position. Olivia's arms were the anchors, holding her weight on either side. Olivia's left arm trembled with the effort, and for a moment, Olivia was worried it would give out on her. Yet it held. Alex moaned as Olivia slowly started to drop her body onto Alex's. With heightened sensation, she could feel every brush, every touch and pressure on her skin. She moaned wantonly into Olivia's mouth desperate for them to continue.

Slowly, they made love to one another, lingering touches and kisses their main display of affection. When they were done, Olivia collapsed beside Alex in bed, her eyes closing. It was times like this, stolen moments with her love, her soul mate that reminded her why she stayed. It made it worth the struggle, the pain.

"I love you," Alex whispered, rolling on her side to face the brunette. Olivia smiled, her warm chocolate eyes more than reachable that night.

"You're so beautiful," Olivia spoke in a whisper, reaching out to stroke the blonde's still flushed cheeks. "You know, sometimes, when I can't sleep, I watch you sleep. You're so peaceful when you do. And I just think that you're the most beautiful creature in the world. Then I wonder how I got so lucky enough to have you. How I'm lucky enough to call you mine." Olivia was surprised to see tears leak from Alex's eyes. Immediately she scooted forwards, allowing Alex to lay her head on her chest. "Alex, baby. What did I say? Why are you crying?"

"God," Alex laughed, trying to wipe away her tears, "Why do you always have to say things that are so…perfect…wonderful?"

"Because they're true," Olivia replied candidly. "And hey. I could ask you the same thing." Alex let out another laugh, wrapping her arms around Olivia's middle. She let out a happy sigh, closing her eyes. "What is it?" Olivia asked, brushing her fingers through Alex's hair.

"I can hear your heart beating," Alex hardly breathed, not wanting anything to take away from the glorious sound. There were nights that she couldn't fall asleep, not until she heard Olivia's heart beat for herself. She needed the proof, the tangible evidence, to overcome her fears of imagining all of it. Olivia, knowing Alex didn't want to move, merely nodded and swallowed, brushing her fingers in a gentle manner through Alex's hair. In minutes Alex drifted back to sleep, feeling more at home in that moment than in any other time of her life. Olivia, sensing, she was going to get cold, pulled up the blankets before drifting off to sleep herself.

A couple hours later, Olivia was awakened by the opening of their door. Her eyes blinked sleepily watching the shadow creep across the room.

"Hey," Olivia breathed softly.

"Hey," Sydney breathed, "Sorry to wake you. I left my hairbrush in your bathroom."

"It's not a problem," Olivia replied, "I should be getting up anyways. I'll be out in a couple of minutes to make you breakfast." Sydney nodded, slipping out of the room, with a click of the door. Slowly, Olivia extracted herself from a tangle of limbs and walked into the master bathroom. She turned the shower on, and slipped under the heat of the warm water, running her fingers through her hair.

In minutes she was in the kitchen, making pancakes, bacon, and eggs. Periodically, Sydney darted back and forth, asking if Olivia had seen her chemistry book. "So much like Alex," Olivia thought with a wry smile. Olivia was pleasantly surprised when Alex emerged.

"I thought I smelled bacon," Alex smiled. "Looks delicious." Olivia smiled, giving her a chaste kiss. Sydney made a noise as she walked into the room, looking pointedly away.

"Morning," Sydney beamed dropping onto a stool as Olivia placed the plate in front of her.

"Morning, sweetie," Alex replied, ruffling Sydney's pixie-like hairstyle.

"Mom!" Sydney groaned, rolling her eyes, "I already put the gel in it. You're going to mess it up."

"Oooh, someone's a little touchy this morning," Olivia joked, setting down Alex's plate next to her.

"I just don't want it to look bad," Sydney replied.

"Sounds like she's trying to impress somebody," Olivia spoke knowingly, earning a rather heated glare from her daughter and a blush as well. "Oh, I'm so right!"

"Yeah," Sydney muttered, "Rub it in."

"So," Alex asked with twinkling eyes, "Who is it?"

"Just a boy," Sydney smiled.

"A boy," Olivia repeated, "Do I need to pull out the baseball bat?"

"Oh god no!" Sydney nearly jumped up. "I'm not having this conversation. And no, you're not going to chase off the only boy I like with a baseball bat. I really like him. He wants to take me to a concert this weekend." Olivia felt slightly lightheaded.

"Oh god," Olivia breathed aloud, "My fifteen year old daughter is going on a date."

"Aww," Alex smiled, "We knew this would be happening sooner or later, Liv. It'll be fine."

"So can I go?" Sydney asked anxiously.

"As long as we know where and when it should be okay," Olivia replied. "Oh, and I want to meet him first."

"So you can scare him off?" Sydney teased, "I don't think so."

"Oh, come on," Olivia teased back. "I'll be nice. I promise. Scout's honor."

"You're not a scout," Sydney said pointedly. "Fine. I'll have him stop by before the concert. But one glimpse of a baseball bat, and the deal is off." Alex chuckled. Olivia sat down, starting to read the paper.

"So, anything exciting happening in school?" Alex asked, trying to make conversation with her daughter. It wasn't always easy.

"Actually that reminds me," Sydney said, poking food around her plate. "We're supposed to job shadow someone for a school project."

"Oh," Alex said excitedly, "You decide what you want to do yet?"

"Yeah," Sydney replied, "I was hoping that I might be able to shadow a detective. Hey mom, do you think you could call Elliot and ask him if he'd be willing to have me tag along a day or two next week?" Olivia was immersed in one of the stories. Alex looked at her with twinkling blue eyes.

"Liv?"

"Hmm?" Olivia looked up from the paper.

"Were you listening at all?" Sydney sighed. "I wanted you to call Uncle Elliot and see if I could shadow him sometime next week. It's for a project. So can you?"

"Sure," Olivia smiled. "Are you really sure that you want to shadow someone at the precinct and not someone at the district attorney's office."

"Yeah. I'm sure," Sydney, replied, "I'm pretty sure that hours of paperwork and people screaming at you in court would be less than glamorous." Olivia chuckled.

"You do realize that detectives spend hours and hours on paperwork, interrogate perps that would make your skin crawl and go out on stakeouts, don't you?" Olivia asked pointedly, "And I can assure you. None of those things are glamorous."

"I know that," Sydney replied defensively, "The truth is, I've thought about being a cop and wanting to help people. I think it'll be a good way to see if it's something I'd really like to do or not."

Olivia felt her heart speed up a little bit in her chest. The sheer amount of pride she felt in that moment, not only for herself but also for her daughter. Memories flashed through her eyes. From the first day she held the tiny bundle in her arms to Sydney's first day of school, her first soccer game, and beyond. To see the incredibly beautiful girl in front of her, and to know what lie inside, made her incredibly proud and made her heart swell with love.

Olivia still felt some pangs of guilt from time to time. She had missed the first four months of Alex's pregnancy. She had missed the first sonogram, the first sound of their baby's heartbeat. She missed taking Alex to her doctor's appointments. And had nearly missed Alex giving birth. Luckily, Elliot had her back the whole way. And even though, Olivia with all her own struggles, hadn't been able to be there as much as she wanted for Sydney's first few years of life, she'd spent the years since making it up to her. She hadn't missed a single one of Sydney's soccer games and didn't plan on missing any in the near future.

"Okay," Olivia smiled, "I'll call him today. I'm sure he'd be thrilled to have you come shadow him." Elliot and Olivia were still extremely close. He was captain now, dealing with his own unruly bunch of detective's at the one six. After Cragen retired, Munch had taken over for a while before the torch had finally been passed to Elliot. Elliot and Kathy, by some miracle, were still married, and Elliot's kids were all very nearly grown up.

Sydney glanced at the clock. "Crap is that the time? I've got to go grab my bag. Josie is going to be here in five minutes to pick me up." Olivia watched as Sydney hopped up rushing for her room.

"You need a ride home from practice tonight?" Olivia called after her.

"Yeah, that would be great!" Sydney called over her shoulder. As if on cue, the buzzer sounded, Olivia walked over to it and hit the button.

"Hello," she spoke into the mic.

"Hey Mrs. Cabot," Josephine's voice reverberated through the room, "Can you buzz me up?"

"Sure thing," Olivia replied, hitting the button to release the door. They lived in a penthouse. Their life savings and Alex's inheritance were more than enough for them to live slightly lavishly. The view itself was worth the money the place cost. Sydney came rushing back into the room with her school bag and her duffel just in time to open the door.

"See you later, sweetie," Olivia called. She was surprised when Sydney paused a moment to drop her bag and turned back, giving her a crushing hug. She placed a kiss to Alex's cheek and headed for the door.

"Bye Mom," she called back with a smile, "Love you."

A unison of "Love you toos" followed her out the door. Olivia let out a chuckle as she picked up Sydney's plate and paused in front of Alex's.

"You done, baby?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah," Alex replied. "Here let me help you," she said standing up.

"I've got it," Olivia reassured her. But Alex insisted.

"You made breakfast," Alex reminded her, "Let me help you." Olivia felt a jolt in her chest as Alex stole a kiss from her before they started with the dishes.

"What time are you heading in this morning?" Olivia asked, scrubbing one of the pans clean. She was up to her elbows in soapy water but she didn't care.

"Actually," Alex replied with a wry smile, "I don't have to be on the bench until this afternoon." Alex swallowed, "So I was thinking I would just take the morning off."

"Were you?" Olivia asked excitedly. "And just what did you have in mind?"

"Oh…nothing," Alex teased, knowing what would be on Olivia's mind, "Maybe I'll go get a facial at my favorite spa." She let out a gasp of horror when Olivia splashed her with the water from the sink.

"Hey!" Alex screamed, swatting Olivia on the shoulder with a dishtowel. "Stop that!"

"Then stop teasing me!" Olivia replied, splashing her again. She wasn't prepared, however, for Alex to fight back. Her lover picked up the hose from the side of the sink and turned it on, aiming the nozzle straight at Olivia. The brunette let out a shriek as a stream of water shot her in the stomach. Quickly, Olivia rushed for the blonde, tackling her before wrestling away the hose. They were both laughing in joy as the stood facing eachother in the kitchen, both now soaking wet.

"Mmm, I love you," Alex replied, reaching up to pull Olivia in for a deep kiss.

"I love you too, babe," Olivia smiled. "Let's go get you dried off." Alex smiled as Olivia's hand slipped into her, fingers twining together as she led Alex towards the bedroom. With a look over at the love of her life, Olivia could think only one thing. Today was going to be just fine. Amazing, in fact. After all, she had the love of her life and so much more.

* * *

**_A/N: So that's that. If that isn't a happy ending I don't know what is. Hope you enjoyed. Please review and let me know what you think. Seriously reviews for an author is like food for the soul. It certainly helps things along! The other ending will come shortly! Maybe faster if I get lots and lots of reviews (not that I'm trying to bribe you or anything... :P)!_**


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